Dealing with a High Maintenance Parent
Our world is made up of all different sorts of people with many different personalities and our profession allows us to meet many of them. I’ve had the greatest challenges dealing with what some of us call the high maintenance parent.
These parents are the ones that confront you about every issue and push every rule no matter how big or how small. They also seek constant validation and reassurance on their point of view. High maintenance parents can be so demanding with their own wants that they often forget that you have other clients in your care. You’ll need to stand your ground when they want their child involved in every activity, even when it isn’t age appropriate. Safety should guide your decisions. Some parents will go beyond making suggestions and come right out and tell you what’s best for your business, what they think you can handle, even what your feelings and response should be to different situations. They will show up in the morning with Mac Donald’s food for only their child to eat and then make you out as the mean one when you remind them that if you bring something you bring it for all. Give them the choice of putting the food away or cutting it up to share with rest of the children. They are the parent who tests your limits daily, and if it wasn’t for the love you have for their children you would give them their two weeks notice on a drop of the hat. This is the parent that shocks your other day care parents by what comes out of their mouths or by their actions or reactions to normal day care issues. This is the kind of parent that could make a provider quit and take up new jobs.
Many of my peers have asked how can you keep a parent like that as a client? I smile a lot. I also try to read between the lines to figure out why they do what they do or say what they say. I’m no psychologist but if you listen closely and learn a little about their background, understand how they grew up and what may have influenced their current behavior, you’ll find it easier to deal with them.
When approached with an issue or demand, I try to repeat the question to the parent and then tell them I will think about it and get back to them. By not giving them an answer right away you can work through it to see if their request is possible. You’ve got to consider if it’s best for the whole day care, yourself included.
I once had a parent that was a master at laying on a great guilt trip about any days I took off (which were very few). She never had any days of her own to spare and if she took any she indicated that she would be in trouble with the boss. Then, two weeks later I’d find out they were going to Disney world or somewhere else for a week. I just informed her that I was sorry she used up all her days off and then reminded her that our contract calls for her to have a back up person. If this doesn’t quiet them down I’ll point out how many days I’ve taken off to that point. Once they compare their days off to mine the issue usually goes away.
Sometimes it’s hard to stand your ground but if it’s right for you and right for the children you’ve got to do it. The downside to this is that you may occasionally loose a family when you stick to your guns but the upside is that the family you replace them with won’t be a high maintenance one. This also creates a great opportunity to review your rules and contract, make a few changes, give yourself a raise, or change your hours to have your day end a little sooner
The fact is, sooner or later we’ll all run into this special parent. I don’t believe that we should change our beliefs and principles to fit this personality that falls outside of the norm. Instead, identify their strong points, focus on those and remind yourself of them when issues are hard to deal with. I’ll let a family go when a personality begins to affect my life or my business. If the fit isn’t right, don’t make yourself sick over it and certainly don’t change the things that are working for the rest of your clients. Good luck if you are one that has a high maintenance parent.
Patti Jo Lawrenz
