The Tattler
Every day care will have one or more little ones who tattle on everyone’s behavior but their own and they potentially could loose friends from this. Historically our response was to ignore this behavior but over the years I’ve learned this might not always be the best way to handle it any more and we may want to change our approach when dealing with this subject.
When little ones are in situations like this we want them to come to us confident that we will listen to them as they tell us who or what is bothering them. Telling us is OK and they shouldn’t be scared. They need assurances that adults will be there to help handle serious problems and protect them.
Early on children can be taught to handle problems independently and build their self-esteem along the way. By teaching them problem solving skills their need to tattle should slow down or stop. Role playing and telling what happen to someone else sometimes helps this understanding.
When addressing tattling, watch the child interact with others and see if you are giving them enough attention when tattling is used and for what reason. This better helps us to understand where it is coming from. Could it be happening when you ask the older children to help with a younger one? They might feel obligated to continually tell you what the younger children are doing. Make sure you acknowledge them and let them know that you are watching and that you will take care of it. When the tattler isn’t tattling praise them for working things out with their friend. If that isn’t working a quiet reminder on how to communicate with their friends might be all that is needed. Give them the tools they need to settle disputes and see if they make the right decisions without having to tattle. Sometimes a group discussion on issues, with out using names, can work very well.
By teaching problem solving skills to all ages and being present when they use them, inspires the confidence then need to make this work. When a child comes to me, I first try to find out how they think they can fix it, with out rushing in as an enforcer. Listen first, and then let them try to solve it on their own before stepping in and offering a few choices they could try. A tough lesson to learn is that they can’t have it their way all of the time. There may be times when you need to be a mediator.
Trying to establish consistency between their home and your day care can be difficult but rewarding when the child learns to solve their differences instead of resorting to tattling.
One thing that works for me is having my day care in one large room where I can see and hear everything going on. Having a mirror on the wall when my back is turned gives me an extra pair of eyes also. Tattling is most often preceded by a change or elevation in their voices and that’s a great time to jump in with “Do I hear a problem that needs my help?” That’s their reminder to handle things differently, but it’s still okay to ask for help. In the summer if the older children are playing upstairs I use baby monitors to keep track on how they are working together. This way I can stop issues before they get big. We also have a rule for school age children that are struggling with tattling. We’re never too big to take a nap that gives us a brighter outlook on issues when we wake up. Hope these ideas help!
Patti Jo Lawrenz
pjltips@aol.com
