Parent Provider PartnershipsToilet Training
Parent Provider Partnership Tip Sheets
Ask any parent, provider or teacher what the hardest thing about working with children is and eventually the discussion will come down to the bottom line: Developing a partnership for raising a child together. Roxy’s Foods and Crafts is offering a new service to parents and to providers. Each month we will send our customers a tip sheet offering both the provider and the parent’s perspective on one of the challenges faced in developing this partnership, for the sake of the child. Customers have permission to reprint this tip sheet for distribution to their parents or providers to facilitate building this partnership.
Parent Perspective:
Each developmental step or learned skill is new territory for the first time parent. By the time the second child comes along, a parent has a measure of success in this area to draw from or feel good about. However, a word of caution is in order. A parent often discovers that each child has his/her own temperament and the same methods that proved successful the first time, may not work with child number two.
New parents also have the burden or advantage, depending on one’s outlook, of having a number of relatives or friends who want to help. Sometimes it helps to talk about the frustrations or successes of someone else’s potty training experiences. It reminds us that we are not alone, every family goes through this, and the good news is that this too will pass. It is unlikely that you will hear of a child without any special needs who reaches the age for kindergarten and is not potty trained. Although, a number of frustrated parents or providers have felt they were possibly raising that one exception to the rule.
Provider Perspective:
Parents often look to the provider as the authority. After all, how many children have been passed through her child care and completed the task of potty training? This can place a difficult burden on the provider, if she feels the need to “know everything” about every topic or challenge. Rather than accepting the role of “potty training expert”, taking a step back and taking the time to develop a Parent/Provider Partnership in proceeding with this next step in a child’s developmental progress can provide a win-win for all.
What do we know for sure?
It is important to be sure the child is ready to be toilet trained and that parents and providers work together, for the child’s sake.
· Can the child control the flow of urine? Does he or she “stay dry” for longer periods of time? The child stays dry up to two hours or wakes from naps dry. Usually a child under the age of two can not control the muscles that control the flow of urine.
· Does the child have regular or predictable bowel movements? If he or she disappears for a short while—goes behind a chair or off by himself, do you just know he is having a BM?
· If the child is uncomfortable when he or she is wet or soiled. The child asks to be changed or even brings you a diaper, the child is ready for training.
· If a child shows an interest in the potty, and especially if the child shows an interest in using the toilet or potty chair. Some times children show an interest before adults are ready to attempt proceeding with what they believe may be a challenging job.
· Can the child follow short commands or simple instructions? Sit on the chair. Bring me your shoes. Pull up your pants. When the child starts to understand and be able to follow simple instructions, training is easier.
· Can the child talk enough to tell you what he or she needs?
· It is easier for the child to be successful, if parent and provider agree on common language to be used in potty training: “peepee”. “potty”. “poop” or “BM” so the child understands what you are asking and you understand what the child is saying.
· It is important for parents to dress children in clothing that allows children to be independent and successful. During toilet training, it is particularly useful if children have pants with elastic waists or at least elastic along the back to enable the child to get his pants up and down quickly and easily to prevent accidents. Parents should provide enough extra clothing during potty training so that a child who soils himself does not have the added embarrassment of not having sufficient clothing to change into.
· Teach children habits that provide more opportunities for success. For example: provide opportunities for children to go to the bathroom before going outside, before sitting down for any meal or snack, before going down to rest, upon getting up from a nap or a night’s sleep or before going in the car. Many accidents during potty training happen because a child is hesitant to change activities such as to come in from outside or leave the table to go to the bathroom. Often they feel the urge when they relax in their car seat and then have no quick opportunity to use a bathroom when they feel the urge to go potty. Make going potty a transition activity: “As soon as we have all gone potty, we can all go outside to play” or “Let’s all go potty and wash our hands and then we will have snack.” is a lot more motivating to try than “Do you have to go potty? Let’s go inside and try.”
· Don’t force a child to sit on the potty. How much a child eats at a meal or snack or when he or she goes potty are two examples of behaviors the child is in total control of. Getting into a power struggle over this is an area that can only frustrate you both.
· Never punish a potty training accident. Be realistic in your expectations. Accidents will happen. A child’s success in this area is largely due to his or her good self esteem and the fact that the child’s body is mature enough for potty training.
· Each child develops at his or her own rate. Some children mature more quickly, can hold their own urine longer and feel their body’s urge to urinate at an earlier age than other children do. Do not feel compelled to train all children at the same age or feel badly if a child is not ready as early as a sibling or another child in child care does
.· Potty training accidents or relapses can happen for a variety of reasons. Stress such as a new baby in the family, a divorce, an illness or a change in a child’s routine such as starting a new preschool or child care can cause relapses. It is important for providers and parents to discuss possible changes or stresses in a child’s life so everyone can help the child. Parents and providers need to talk about the potty training process and agree to be consistent in their expectations and support of each other and the child. Being toilet trained is an important milestone in a child’s developmental process. When a child is successful, it is such a lift to his or her self esteem. Make this a good experience for all. Last, but not least, make proper hand washing a part of each potty training routine. Both the caregiver, whether parent or provider, and the child need to wash hands with soap and water and properly dry them. So much illness or disease could be prevented by teaching this to children early on and making it one of their life skills.
