Parent Provider Partnerships Trust
Parent Provider Partnership Tip Sheets
Ask any parent, provider or teacher what the hardest thing about working with children is and eventually the discussion will come down to the bottom line: Developing a partnership for raising a child together. Roxy's Foods and Crafts is offering a new service to parents and to providers. Each month we will send our customers a tip sheet offering both the provider and the parent's perspective on one of the challenges faced in developing this partnership for the sake of the child. Customers have permission to reprint this worksheet for distribution to their parents or providers to facilitate building this partnership.
Trust:
Do you have someone you work closely with or who you have a valued, comfortable relationship with? Chances are that if you were asked to describe the qualities that make that relationship valuable and one of the qualities that make that relationship work for you, one of the first words you would use would be the word "trust".
How does trust develop between people who are partnering in caring for a child?
• Time to develop or learn to trust each other has to be allowed. Every once in a while you hear about two people meeting and knowing instantly that they just know that they like that other person and trust him or her. It does happen, but not often. Usually, over a period of time and after experiencing and successfully resolving some challenges, parents and providers come to build a great working relationship based on mutual trust.
• Honesty in sharing information regarding what is going on in a child's life during child care hours as well as in her home life. Many experienced providers share with parents that adjusting to a child care experience can take a couple of weeks, and depending on what is going on in a child's home life or how positive or negative a previous child care experience has been or what is going on in a child's home environment, it may take longer. For example:
- The previous child care experience was positive and comfortable, but the family moved or the child care situation was not in the child's school district, so a change in child care was necessary. The child may miss his/her previous provider, but has good memories of child care and it can make the adaptation to a new environment, stressful in the beginning, but the child may make the adjustment with very little difficulty, because going to child care has been a positive experience with good memories.
- If the child care was a negative experience, the parent may hesitate to share that information with the new caregiver. Perhaps the parent may "want to be watchful for similar signs that this new experience may have some of the same problems". The most important person in this situation is the child. Parents can share their previous situation with a provider, and then conduct a more thorough interview with the provider. The provider would understand a parent's need to be more cautious in the placement, but is less likely to feel interrogated during the interview. Many providers encourage parents to drop in during the first two weeks of child care to observe the child, unnoticed, playing in a playroom or in the backyard during outdoor play times until the parent builds trust that this is a good placement for a child. This is where honesty plays a vital part in the building of trust between parent/s and providers. Just think how much easier it is to make a child's adjustment smoother, when all of the caregivers important in a child's life know all there is to know about the child and his or her needs.
• Open Communication: While it may appear on the surface that Open Communication may not be that difficult. Some people equate open communication with being honest or being truthful, but this concept is far deeper than that. Open Communication is the sharing of one's expectations, parenting styles, knowledge and experience. Provider's may feel that a parent's respect for them or expectations as "the child development expert" may not be met or a parent may be disappointed or not choose to work with a caregiver who does not know "all of the answers". Parents may feel that too much of their private or home life is open to scrutiny or judgment by a child care ";expert" if they share information regarding how they handle things at home and that information falls short of what is "best practice".
How many of us handle child guidance or parenting skills exactly as our parents did? My guess is that while some of our core values or culture may have been passed along, there is so much new information being printed all of the time, that the information we have on parenting and child guidance is seriously increased over what was available as we were growing up. The computer and internet alone have made our access to good information on every topic forever different. The increased number of cultures in our community, regardless of what community it is that our tip sheet is going to, has also forever changed our world and how we view things. Talking openly about our children, what we have learned, ideas for dealing with different challenges as children pass from one developmental stage to another, can only make both parent and provider more competent and confident.
One time when my older son was growing up and had made a mistake, with a neighbor child as his "accomplice", my neighbor and I sat down and discussed the situation. It was not easy to talk about what the boys had done. Each of us had some feelings of guilt as a parent. We tend to think there are things "my child would never do." It gave us a chance to share perspectives: How serious was the offense, what goals did we have for making it a learning experience, what was the appropriate consequence, etc. She thought of things I did not and vice versa. The consequences and discussions with the boys were pretty identical. In child care, we would say that our actions were "consistent". Children learn best from rules that are fair and where consequences are consistent. My son informed me that "Jeff and I talked about this and we have decided that it is not fair that you and Pat talk things over and decide on consequences together. It is like we have two moms." We had a good laugh over that. We did not change how we functioned. The boys had to get used to it. I think we raised two great men because of it. Open Communication. We all learn from it. We have consistency in rules and consequences. Children learn to trust adults and adults build trusting relationships with each other, when it is something we take the chance to practice and do.
• Compromise and Negotiation are an important part of shared decision making.
Considering a parent as an equal partner in making decisions regarding their child is critical to the building of a trusting relationship. Just think of a situation that you have faced with a child and what your usual resolution to that situation typically is. It could be anything from toilet training, to rules around how you serve meals and expectations regarding that to how you introduce new foods to infants and toddlers. Are these items discussed with parents or are parents just informed of your policies? Have you ever thought of making any of these decisions or policies with a parent? Are there areas you can compromise with a parent or form different decisions regarding your policies through some negotiations? Are some of the policies due to Food Program or Licensing Regulations and nonnegotiable? Do you as parents or providers discuss these so how decisions have been made is understood.? Is everyone okay with what policies are? Do all parties make room for building trust.
