It’s All About Truth
As providers one of our most important jobs is to teach our little ones the difference between right and wrong, true and false, real and unreal. It’s very important they learn how these things contribute to how they are perceived and how much trust people have in them.
Children tell stories about things they hear, things they see, things from books, and of course the television. They also tell stories about things they wish would happen. Little ones have vivid imaginations and sometimes begin to believe what they tell. To avoid any disputes as to a stories truth, I try comment on how fun it would be if it were true and or praise them for their ability to tell great stories.
My group often plays games about pretend or real, true or untrue, so they know the difference and the words that describe the actions. This is a fun time for the children in my care and I use it silly ways, and also for learning rules or to help reinforce correct behavior skills. I start simple and then when you’re sure they’ve mastered the concept I make the examples harder. This can be fun for all and quite often the kids ask to play the ‘what if’ game.
Many stories are told at my day care, some by the children and some by me. I explain that when a person tells something untrue it is called lying. That’s when we talk about trust and show them examples they can understand.
From time to time you may have a child who lies about everything and you’re at your wits end. I like to find out why they are doing this. They may be trying to hide the truth about something they caused or possibly something they are very embarrassed about. Many are scared that an adult will overreact and will lie to avoid punishment. Children can be exposed to this kind of behavior just about anywhere and will copy what they see. A child may lie to gain recognition for something they want to be proud of doing or accomplishing. Sometimes they may lie so as not to disappoint you.
Standing back and giving some thought to why a child is lying can help both of you. One thing that works for me is I don’t ask direct questions of who did this! I may say “the milk is spilled, quick help me get a towel so we can clean it up.” If the children are fighting over a toy I’ll ask each child to tell me what happened. If you see a child isn’t doing something you’ve asked. instead of asking them if they did it knowing they haven’t, just ask, “How can I help you accomplish this?”
One time I took my group on an outing and one of the activities required an entrance fee. We laid the money on the counter and when it came time to go the money was gone. No one knew where it was so after telling the children why we couldn’t go, the money reappeared. I thanked whoever put the money back, but the consequence was we didn’t go. The whole group learned the importance of telling the truth.
Start praising them for telling the truth at a young age and be a good example yourself. If little ones hear something from an adult that they know isn’t true or if they see adults using excuses that are not true in order to avoid unpleasant situations they will soon start doing the same things. They may view this as an example of lying and try to make it work for them too. Be specific and thank them for their honesty on a daily basis and you’ll build their self-esteem and confidence.
Children who break rules, get caught, and fear punishment, are the most likely to lie. I try to give a child win win situation and to listen to what they have to say and then ask their opinion. If you have a child who is still consistently deceiving you, talk with their parents and ask for their suggestions and support. By working together we can raise some pretty neat kids.
Patti Jo Lawrenz
pjltips@aol.com
