DEALING WITH PET LOSS
In our line of work we have to deal with losses in our own family as well as our customers families. We comfort not only our day care children, but their whole families at times. This is why it’s important that we encourage the parents to always keep us informed of what is happening in their home so we can better help them and their children.
I’m sure we’ve all had some difficult starts to our day and then later, after a few outbursts of anger or tears, we find out that their pet is sick or has died yet the parent said nothing.
Loss of a pet, no matter if it is a goldfish, a dog, or cat, can be very traumatic. Each child will react to the loss in a manner and time of their choosing and we need to be prepared.
Getting the child to talk about the good things their pet did or funny things they did will help with their healing. Answer their questions with as much reassurance and love as you can. They don’t need to hear “Oh you can get a new puppy now.”
The child may be afraid what will happen to a pet’s body so if you find a floater in the day care aquarium, don’t flush it in front of them! By finding out what questions or concerns the child may have and passing them on to the parent you’ll speed up the healing process.
Over the years I’ve found that children really want to believe there is a heaven for their pets and it’s comforting for children to know their pet is safe. When it thunders on a rainy day my little ones often get scared but that changes when they remember it might be a departed pet running and jumping or even fetching a ball for a grandparent that may be gone too. Soon after the first clap of thunder I often hear something like “Oh, it’s just Lucky playing with Grandpa again.” And they say it with a smile.
Sometimes you’ll see the crying or anger surface several months or even a year after the loss. Their grieving was just on hold.
Drawing pictures of or telling a story about a pet can really help kids through this process. It can help us too.
When a new family starts in my day care I make it point to ask if the family has a pet and what level of interaction the child has with it. Knowing this can be helpful if the family suffers a loss and if they let you know about it.
Sharing stories about losses you may have had can also help. It can be hard for kids to share their own stories but when they hear your story or someone else’s their own words can just start tumbling out. Listen and let them heal.
Just being there with a smile and a hug helps and when you listen to their stories make sure you give them your full attention so they know you care. Validating their feelings advances the process and be sure to explain to their friends why they are sad and it’s OK to be sad with them and share their stories to.
Many counties have wonderful resources available in their libraries and the internet is also a good source for materials to help you and their parents help them through these difficult times.
It may take a long time for some children to recover from their loss so show them plenty of understanding. Love them and encourage them to share their feelings and they will do just fine.
Patti Jo Lawrenz
